Low-Carb Crab Cakes

Yeah, I’m not sure what’s going on, either.

It’s been so many years since I’ve had crab cakes. Once I found that I couldn’t process wheat, crab cakes became verboten for me. I was quite the sad panda. I mean, I was already not supposed to eat them because I was allergic, also, to iodine, which is found in shellfish. But, that was worth the risk. Hives are much easier to deal with than intestinal distress for days.

Still. I haven’t had crab cakes in a very long time. So, finding this recipe was so awesome and amazing.

We bought canned crab meat specifically for me to make this recipe. Cameraman Ken said, “I’m going to get lump crab meat because if we need it broken up, we can just break it up.” He grabbed 3 cans and we went about our business. I pulled out said cans to make this dish and, low and behold, it was not lump crab meat. It was “regular” crab meat.

It still worked. Mostly. The lump crab meat would have probably worked better and had a better texture. Even after sticking them in the freezer for about 45 minutes, they were still difficult to put into the pan to fry up. Still tasted delicious.

I really liked the flaxmeal in this blend, as opposed to the almond flour. I find that almond flour has a stronger flavor than I’d like and the flaxmeal does not. I also want to note that I had fish two days in a row! Fish Friday this week was a low-carb fish & chips, featuring cod and zucchini fries. I really miss my air fryer. I think that would have been better for the zucchini. Regardless, that was a tasty meal and the homemade tartar sauce was very good, as well…though…missing something. Probably vinegar.

If there’s something you’d like me to film and talk about, let me know in a comment or join my Discord server and check out my Patreon. For as little as $2/mo., you can help me upgrade my recording equipment, my cooking utensils, etc. Plus, you can connect straight to Discord by becoming a Patron! It’s obviously not required, but it is something that would definitely help me out–especially during the pandemic!

Look! Noods! With Alfredo!

Consider the ball of dough….

Such a snappy and witty title! But, hey, I was really feeling like some fettuccine alfredo and I happen to have a recipe for keto noodles and alfredo sauce, so magical times happen!

I know I’m drinking rye whiskey in this video and I look absolutely happy to be doing so–but I am not. I love whiskey; I love rye; it does not love me in return. Sadly, I have developed an allergy, of sorts, to caramel-colored alcohols, so I limit myself to ONE a day.

Anyway, as you will see in the video, I am an absolute dunderhead when it comes to rolling out dough. I probably should have filmed Cameraman Ken fixing my mistakes, but I didn’t. So, it’s just me making mistakes and continuing on with everything (because that’s what we do, right?). Cameraman Ken kept reminding me these videos aren’t about perfection; they’re about entertainment and sharing my experiences with all of you.

What an important thing to remember during this pandemic! Sharing experiences with each other is about the only type of human interaction most of us can get, so do it with wreckless abandon (but, wash your hands and wear your mask)! I can see a light at the end of the tunnel; it could be an on-coming train, but you know what? I’m Wonder Woman, and I will take that train head-on, and I will win.

Please, take care of yourselves. Hydrate, my Witchlettes, just like the plants who grow from the earth, remain grounded and hydrated, stretching up towards the sun or moon and releasing your positivity into the air. So we can burn the world with Kindness.

Blessed Lughnasadh!

Sometimes I dress up and look pretty.

Merry meet and blessings be! Lughnasadh (LOO-nuh-suh) is upon us! The cross-quarter sabbat is a celebration of the First Harvest of the year. Today’s video features a seasonal dish, Blackberry Cobbler! I used an erithrytol sweetener for this recipe to comply with the low-carb diet I’ve been torturing myself with, but you could use regular sugar, if you desired. This is also gluten free and it is super amazing and tasty!

I chose blackberries because this is the last month they are available in SoCal. Now, Lughnasadh would normally feature the First Harvest–but, Lughnasadh is also sundown July 31 to sundown August 1, so trying to get two videos prepared for you before that date makes it a bit difficult to harvest first harvest items. šŸ™‚

Also, a traditional Lughnasadh food is bread. I have a recipe for a Keto Flaxmeal bread that I’m itching to try, but I haven’t had the energy to expend in putting it together. Perhaps that will be a video for next week.

Although I do not, personally, celebrate Lughnasadh, I am more than happy to share with you ways you can bring the First Harvest season into your home. Just leave a comment on the video or on this blog post, or check out my Discord channel and ask there.

Blessed be.

Keto Tiramisu for Two

Lady Floppinwrist

Look at me go! Here’s a second blog post for the week! This one is for my favorite dessert, Tiramisu.

The recipe I used can be found here. As you will see if you watch the video, mine looks nothing like hers. And that’s okay. Mine tasted amazing and that’s what really matters. What I like about this recipe is that you can make just the cake part, if you are full of sadness and don’t really want to bother with the delicious marscapone part. It’s all still really good, low carb, high fat, and all delicious.

I’m going to go ahead and share my progress shots with you. I also do burlesque (or, am trying to. It’s difficult with the lockdowns in place), so you get one of my burlesque shots as a progress shot. Go you!

I can, at least, see a difference over the most recent two week period.

So, as I’ve mentioned, I have Lupus. I also have an autoimmune thyroid issue they think could be Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis, but it could be Graves’ Disease, or it could be something else entirely. My TSH is low-normal. And because of that, they’re not doing anything about my metabolism/hormones. Fine, whatever. In April of 2018, I was miserable. I couldn’t move, I felt like a blimp–I was at my heaviest weight and afraid I was going to hit 200lbs. But, I didn’t know what to do. I was gluten free, so I wasn’t eating breads and pastas all that much and I cooked everything myself (or Cameraman Ken did). My joints ached all the time (bilaterally in the fingers, wrists, elbows, shoulders, hips, knees, ankles, and feet/toes); I was in constant gastrointestinal distress. And nothing was working.

I made the decision to eliminate pork completely from my diet. No bacon, ham, pork sausage, etc. I don’t really like pork, anyway, and now the only pork I eat is in the form of chorizo from The Chori-Man. Regardless, that was the only change I’d made. That was in August; by October, I had lost 30 pounds. I was excited about that weight loss, but low-key concerned, too. Doctors didn’t even question anything. It was, “Great, you lost 30lbs. Your a1c went up from 5.8% to 5.9%. So, you need to lose some more weight and watch your carb and sugar intake. Oh, and exercise.”

After I had lost the 30lbs, I was able to move, so I started walking 1.25mi every morning. Then I started doing DDP Yoga 3/week. And that was what I was told at my last appointment, March 11, 2020 (when I tipped the scales at 167lbs…4lbs heavier than my last appointment, which I had gained from walking and doing DDP Yoga).

I went home upset. Maybe my a1c wasn’t going up because I was eating carbs and sugars. Maybe, just maybe, it was due to the underlying thyroid issue no one wants to do anything about because my TSH is “normal”? It’s not like that is anything that has ever happened.

I continued my DDP Yoga for another 2 weeks. I should have known what was coming. When my labs came back, I was notified that they were all fine, except ONE inflammation marker was high. I should have known. What happened next was a 3-month flare in which I had severe fatigue and random illnesses ranging from nausea with eating to a sinus infection to a UTI. I had very few “good days,” and I was starting to believe my QoL was going to be reduced to being content with 75% functionality at best.

What do you do when you can’t do anything else? Research. So, besides the research I was already doing for my dissertation, I started researching diets. “Watch your carbs and sugars,” she’d said. I had a food tracker. I tracked my macros meticulously and I wasn’t over-indulging like she thought I was. I researched Paleo more (I’d done it before when I was powerlifting). I researched Keto. I did a bit of research into carb cycling and thought the best way to “watch my carb and sugar intake” was to do a Keto-Paleo diet. That didn’t go as planned because I found the Paleo meals boring when I went to make them. So, I just did Keto, starting on June 1, 2020. By June 15, I was feeling really good–I wasn’t so puffy, I didn’t wake up with joint pain every morning, and I wasn’t so fatigued by 3pm that I had to sleep. So, I restarted my DDP Yoga program. Friday will see me completing week 4 of a 13 week program and I couldn’t be more excited. The program is ramping up, as well, so that gets me even more excited.

I added MCT oil to my diet–I have it in my coffee every morning–and I’m trying to do Intermittent Fasting (IF). I bought some test strips for checking my ketones (I’m very deeply in it), and figured I was good. For funsies, I decided to check my blood pressure the other day. It’s normally 110/70, unless I have coffee, then it’s 120/80. But, I tend towards low blood pressure. With all my working out and eating healthy and all, I thought maybe it would have gone down a bit. I had noticed my pulse would start at 120bpm before my workouts, but my pulse is normally high (like 75-90bpm, resting), so I thought nothing of it. Imagine my horror when the BP reading came back as 133/90.

RESEARCH TIME!

I’m doing everything right, why is my blood pressure and pulse going up!? Is it because fats are harder to burn for fuel, so my heart–which is a muscle–is working harder? I don’t have any symptoms of high BP, so, I’m not sure. I mean, I drink 70+ ounces of water per day!

Except water isn’t enough, as I discovered. I am fairly dehydrated, as it turns. In all my understanding of diet, exercise, etc, I’d forgotten the most important thing: Replenish your Electrolytes. So, I’m making electrolyte drinks twice a day for my non-workout days and three times for my workout days (basically, rather than drink water during my workouts, I drink the electrolyte mixture because, I am not a “glow” woman, I am a sweat like moose woman).

So! What have we learned? Keto is fantastic for helping a person lose weight, as long as you are willing to meticulously log everything that goes into your mouth. If you do choose to do a Keto diet (which is different from low-carb in that Keto is 20-25g or less of net carbohydrates; low carb is over that, but under 100g), make sure you’re replenishing salt, potassium, and magnesium. We have also learned that I run on bulletproof coffee and spite. Thank you for coming to my TedTalk. šŸ˜›

May and forward

I’m very bad at remembering to update this blog. I’m so very sorry.

May was a stressful and busy month. I was in a flare for most of it. I ran out of my pre-recorded videos and, because of the flare and other chaos, couldn’t produce two videos a week.

Now it’s the first week of June. I’m still sick (or flaring or something) and I am, again, out of videos, so I don’t have any this week.

But what I can tell you is this: I am starting a ā€œcarb cyclingā€ diet for the 30 days of June. What it will be is this first week is strictly Keto. Day 1, I hit all my macro goals, but was way under on calories. That was actually awesome because I didn’t feel hungry. Day 2 (today), I woke up with a pain in my abdominal area that could be light food poisoning (not likely) or the effect of a deep tissue muscle spasm in my back that causes my diaphragm to spasm, as well (more likely). Regardless of what it is, it hurts and I’m exhausted.

Taco Tuesday

I made Keto Tacos this morning for breakfast. Made with Impossible Foods ground meat substitute, onions, cheddar shreds, and romaine lettuce. Tasty and very filling. You can find similar recipes at PaleoLeap.com.

Enjoy!

New Video: Chester Pudding (Kinda)

Does this shirt make me look fat??

Well, well. We were supposed to produce a lovely Chester Pudding for dessert. We ended up producing a huge mess and a lemon curd tart. So, one of those was awesome (spoiler: Not the Mess).

I’m terrible at making meringues. I’ve tried and always seem to fail. But, it’s okay. Someday I will learn. Everything takes a little practice!

If you’re able, hit up my Facebook Page where I’m conducting some Arts & Sciences classes, virtually, for the SCA. I have three up there, and plan to do at least two more (one on period deodorants, and another on how to make infusions). It’d be spiff to “see” you!

New Video: Chicken w/ Pesto & White Wine Sauce + Leeks & Sops in Wine

I really know what I’m doing…honest!

Hello, my Witchlets! We’re making food! Of course we are. These happen to be two dishes that both feature dry white wine! The best kind of white wine! So, kick back with a glass of your favorite and watch me make a fool of myself!

If anyone knows Gordon Ramsay or Alton Brown, could you let them know they should watch this video and tell me what “breaking the sauce” means, please! I’d be most appreciative!

Newest Video: Shepherd’s Pie w/Rutabaga Topping

No shepherds were harmed in the making of this video.

Hello! And welcome to the day before the last day of public interactions! This video was filmed Saturday, March 14, in the morning. I and my husbeast/cameraman were going to drop off House-Guest-Xander in Santa Paula and then head to Newberry Park for gaming with some friends. While we were drinking tequila and eating delicious food, Governor Newsom put California on lockdown for the Coronavirus. We had one more public outing on Sunday (brunch with our new Reeve and Reevess for her birthday!), and then the moritorium came in.

This Shepherd’s Pie was a huge hit with the gamers. Each bite elicited responses of, “Ohm’go’ thi’is so goo’!” and “Ru’abaga?! Really?!” So, it went over well! As did the Heathen Cakes. As we face the real possibility of a strictly enforced quarantine, I’ll start into videos explaining how the poor of the medieval times extended the life of beef and other meats and rely on some budget-friendly cooking to help get us all through this Plague (hey, ’20s…we didn’t want a repeat of 1920… or 1820… or 1720…..).

Please stay safe and make sure to follow me on Facebook for the twice weekly classes on helathcare and other “witchery” things to keep you safe during the lockdown/quarantine.

New Video: Heathen Cakes

“Gooooo, TEAM!”

What better dish to serve up on a witchery channel than a Heathen Cake! They’re more pies, really. In fact, you use a pre-baked pie crust for them.

They’re called cakes because of the etymology of that word. Cakes were usually what “the poor man” ate: Hearty pie crusts filled with meat and hearty vegetables. This particular recipe is from 14th Century Germany and features beef, apples, a full dozen eggs, and bacon.

Remember: I don’t eat pork. The bacon I used was a package of beef bacon. I also used ground beef in this, but I think a good stew meat of some type would have been better. Regardless, it was still extremely tasty! You have to boil the meat, thus creating a stock (which is why ground meat doesn’t work well in this dish). If I were still in Central PA, I would probably bribe a friend for some venison and make this with venison. It’s got a lot of flavor and it really will stick with you.

I hope you enjoy the video!!